A WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE
My heart is breaking as I hear of these friends of ours whose marriages are near ending. Each of these couples is comprised of two wonderful, caring people…. Who, from the outside, are quite probably still in love, but time has taken its toll. In each case, the woman is pulling out… but to me, that is just her way of CRYING out. This is her way of saying she is hurting…. Is tired of being on the back burner. It may be too late, but it may be the perfect time for her man to interpret her actions, hear her heart, and make a choice to fight for her – for their marriage. It takes risk, and courage. But that’s what she’s looking for and it’s what these men have.
Here’s my woman’s perspective. These men are all successful. They have had to fight hard and persevere through difficult situations to be where they are now. They know how to fight and persevere. This, to me, is the time to take all that experience in winning and fighting and apply it to the most important relationship in their life.
My heart’s cry is that they would fight to win their women back. Fight to win their hearts. It may mean starting over: courting her, taking time to serve her, find out how to woo her again….. maybe like at the beginning. Many men I’ve talked to think, ‘well, she knows I love her….’ But she doesn’t. A woman only FEELS loved when she is pursued, valued above all others, told and shown, and treated like a princess.
A woman wants to feel as though the man has her in mind, even when he is out winning at his job. She wants to feel missed when he’s away and needed when he is home. She wants to feel pursued; like he would go to any lengths to win her heart again. A woman wants to feel as though she is PART of his success, his work, his 9-5; that he values sharing that part of his world with her, values her input, and needs her encouragement to keep going.
A woman feels loved when she sees her man making her his first priority: more important than his job (though he must do it well), more important than hanging out with the guys, more important than his hobby. She will only FEEL like a priority when he shows it by his actions: invitations to join him, decisions to be with her instead of others, even decisions to turn down opportunities and advancements if they will mean he is away from her too much.
When retirement comes, the job success will have been great. But the house may be empty. NOW is the time to fight for the long term relationship…. The one who will be there when he is old and gray. NOW is the time to fight for her heart. She doesn’t want to end the relationship…. She feels as though it is already ended…. Like there ISN’T one. Now is the time to begin again. To pursue her, to fight for her, to patiently give and serve her, to study her and listen to her, to be her admirer, to enter into her world, too, and care about what is important to her; to take responsibility for his part in all of it, maybe ask for forgiveness, and do it the next day and the next and the next.
